Ass Pain

We had a scrimmage practice last night, OH MY GOD!! Not only did my shirt get ripped, but I fell so hard on my ass, I couldn't see straight. This is the first time I've fallen and was not able to get up and skate it off. I sat on an ice pack all night last night, and took so many pain killers I think a truck could have hit me and I wouldn't feel it.

As a side note, a little venting, and a bit into my psyche...

So last night I was really mad, I mean really mad. Not at anyone in particular, well, maybe 1 or 2 peeps, but I was just mad. And ready to do some damage to someone/anyone else who got in my way. I was hitting hard, and I ment it, which is good. But then I felt something, I think is was pure rage, and it was directed at 1,2,or even 3 people in particular, I wanted to smash them. And I know it's roller derby and that's what you're supposed to do and all, but I really wanted to make them pay. Now, we are all there to play and know the hazards and it's all good, but we don't want anyone going out there to intentionally hurt anyone, and that's just about where I was last night. I was mad at myself, and still am. If I wouldn't have fallen and hurt myself, I think I would have continued to play hard/angry and have hurt someone. So I think it was good that I was taken out and I probably deserved it. I don't ever want to be out there on the floor and have someone else out there that wants to take me out on purpose, and hurt me, I really mean that. We've got a great group of ladies and we all have respect for each other. But last night, I really was out for blood. I need to keep my rage/emotions under control. I was really doubting last night if this is something I should continue to do. If I'm able to keep myself in check. Either I'm a really good derby player, or really bad. How much is enough, how mad and how hard do you push yourself before it's not about the game anymore?